For Game Club in April, we played the first console conversion of the Tamagotchi brand. I had a unit myself as a young lad, but being more mature now I found myself attaching more to my baby, albeit with a slight layer of irony at times.

This time I played on real hardware; although this is the only Tamagotchi virtual pet video game to be localised into English, I had picked up a copy in Japan on a whim, for the nominal sum of 108¥. This made the experience all the more obtuse, as the in-game menus, tutorials, and explanations were almost completely opaque to my comprehension. I decided to rough through it as a bewildering part of the experience, and I did enjoy the feeling of floundering under the game’s expectations. As Tony pointed out to me, it’s not unlike actual parenting!

Only after raising little Miloscatchi through adult life as a Takotchi and to its eventual passing on did I investigate the actual mechanics and the English version. Turns out the localisation was a somewhat sloppy job, with the Professor’s explanations being painfully laconic. Training, tournaments, discipline, what constitutes “good care”… I still have no idea about any of this. What I do know is that I loved my Takotchi. The repetitive minigames, learning what foods it liked, jabbing it full of shot after shot when it got sick; it was nostalgic, simple, effective. The formula works, even at this early and basic level. It’s caring for your toys, your pets, developing the instinct to nurture and raise. The age-old play of preparing children for parenthood. Plus the thing poops, and it’s funny when the poop isn’t real.