Let’s make this quick so I don’t get too mad. Paper Jam Bros. has all the wit and engaging battle mechanics of previous Mario & Luigi games, but it has had the soul sucked out of it. It squanders the potential of a Paper crossover and exemplifies the blandness of what the Mario series has become.

I think I’ve said it all in the intro. I liked Dream Team Bros. in retrospect, and this is just like it. It’s just that the curse that befell the Paper Mario series since Sticker Star has infected the rest of the RPG branch; instead of being full of weird and wonderful NPCs and enemies, Toads and Goombas proliferate. Starlow (and I always liked her) is the sole remaining link to when the Mario spinoffs used to be allowed to have fun original characters.

The structure is familiar; a slow ramp-up, some backtracking, new combo attacks unlocked. But without any semblance of interesting plot (it’s literally “two Bowsers kidnap two Peaches”, and all the self-aware lampshade hanging in the world doesn’t save you from the sheer apathy of using nothing but this tired cliche), there are no stakes. I continued playing to read the occasional amusing piece of dialogue, or see the next Bros attack, or learn the next enemy’s pattern.

Having Paper Mario as a party member is a fun wrinkle in the same way the babies added to the proceedings in Partners in Time. It leads to some silly and bombastic paper-based actions in-battle and in the overworld. A new feature is the battle cards, replacing the badge system from previous games; it’s an improvement as it’s more customisable and usable. They’ve also replaced Giant Battles with light action/strategy segments with giant papercrafts; I found these tedious in the extreme. The mandatory Paper Toad hunts that precede them are an occasionally fun change of pace but are on other occasions also beset by tedium.

I appreciated quality of life touches… especially the fast forward button. I just wish it was even faster, and usable in more screens, just so I could be done quicker. As it is it will only advance cutscenes but dialogue also requires player input.

This game just makes me sad to think about. When even the RPGs, which used to be full of such colourful whimsy, are so harshly cut down to the bare “New Super Mario Bros.” skeleton in their world and aesthetics, it’s like Nintendo is begging me to not care. I guess I’m the sucker for buying this game new. Sorry for being such a downer folks! At least AlphaDream’s signature graphical style and animation quality are here… Sigh.