This is a very interesting game, for several reasons. One, the cartridge contains two distinct versions of the game, depending on what system you’re playing on, the monochrome version and the full-color version, but the differences go deeper than simply the presence of colour. The minigames are different, level layouts and environment sprites also differ, item locations and progression is changed. However, contrary to expectations, the GBC version is not strictly better: certain aspects, such as animations, are better in the monochrome version. I also preferred the always-on UI, but it lacks 8-directional slingshot aiming.

I should explain. This is a kind of isometric platformer adventure, with Conker roaming Willow Woods and its surrounds, fighting various creatures and pushing boxes around in puzzles, finding his way through large mazelike environments in search of the birthday presents from his party, which was ruined by an evil member of the anthropomorphic acorn race that populates his home countryside. Got it? Good.

This is the other interesting aspect: this game is a time capsule, representing the original plans for the Conker franchise before it got darker and edgier in Bad Fur Day. As I’ve explained before, the N64 iteration was in development to properly introduce the squirrel from Diddy Kong Racing, but had many ideas pilfered by the Dream/Banjo team, at which point Chris Seavor reworked the game majorly to distinguish it. Pocket Tales was meant to be a handheld accompaniment to the console Twelve Tales, as was done with many franchises and still is. However, in this case the main event that PT was supporting didn’t eventuate. A very curious circumstance.

Beta footage and screenshots of Twelve Tales/Conker’s Quest/whatever show that it was to be very similar: acorn people, the shorter chipmunk version of Berri (who was a playable character), persistent slingshot. These elements now live on solely in this watered-down version of the Thing That Didn’t Happen. (Did it happen though? Are unreleased games canon? Sure, why not, except where they disagree with actual canon).

As it is, and I played through both versions simultaneously, we have a slightly clunky action adventure game. Progression is a bit confusing: you can always ask the Forest Guardian where to go but I often couldn’t find him because I got lost. And in the hub too! I was using Nintendo Power’s maps to help me out, though. You find presents for doing the odd task or just exploring. The environments are a little samey but memorising the layouts is essential to getting them all. Enemies are annoying, it’s often hard to defeat them. Some of them respawn but health pickups don’t, so unusually health management is a prospect that extends over the entire game in long form. In a way every single health acorn is like a Heart Container or somesuch. There’s no upgrades really except items for helping you reach new areas.

So combat was not the best, but I liked breaking the game up with little block-pushing puzzles. The minigames were also not great, although one mimics Rare’s earlier game Cobra Triangle, which is also replicated in DKC3 GBA, an interesting tidbit from their history. Bosses were pretty good, and Evil Acorn (yes that’s his name) was always stringing you on with taunts. There’s also the mysterious Honker the skunk, Conker’s nasty rival to contend with you at various points (mostly minigame-based).

Unfortunately there’s not a lot to distinguish this game, but it’s a bit memetic on DKVine because it’s so obscure. It’s pretty much irrelevant to Conker’s Bad Fur Day but interesting to compare with what could have been, and going from this to BFD all the more underscores its subversive tone. It is a bit of a pain to play though honestly, and just generally clunky and vague. The characters who distinguish themselves are cool but mostly they’re just acorns with not much going on. The level concepts are cool though, from a tropical island chain to a medieval castle.

The Game Boy format doesn’t really do the game justice, as a result of Rare’s typical tendency to try to outdo the limitations of the platform. Sometimes this results in fantastic games, while this one is let down by those limitations. Still, a Rare fan should at least give this a try, and heck I’ll say it, you have no right to fully enjoy Bad Fur Day if you haven’t experienced Conker’s humble origins. I can’t really point out one version as better than the other, so play around with both and pick your favourite (although I had a heck of a time emulating both separately… oops, I gave it away didn’t I?). Oh and there’s a character called the Forest Wong. How can you go wrong with the Wong?