May 11, 2021
[Review] Conker: Live & Reloaded (XB)

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Let’s see just how well this misguided remake/expansion holds up. This will be a long one!

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September 24, 2016
Modern Bubsy, low-res pixel style!
Modern Bubsy is a project that started with the indie game Space Funeral 4. SqrlyJack imagined what classic gaming failure Bubsy would be up to years later and the concept (also inspired by other Bubsy speculation)...

Modern Bubsy, low-res pixel style!

Modern Bubsy is a project that started with the indie game Space Funeral 4. SqrlyJack imagined what classic gaming failure Bubsy would be up to years later and the concept (also inspired by other Bubsy speculation) grew into an enthralling history including the games’ traumatic meta-textual making-of process, a gender transition, and contact with other 90s game mascots. It’s more than the shock humour you might expect by seeing it; Modern Bubsy is a deep and fascinating revitalisation of the character that may sort of kind of have the implicit approval of the original creator. What could possibly go wrong?

This pixel art is based on this post showing the “main characters” of Bubsy’s “current” life. Some explanation is required though…

Good Guys: Wild Woody is another failed 90s mascot, with a single Sega CD game to his name. Conker the Squirrel is one of Rare’s well-known mascots but in hard times, and now Bubsy’s boyfriend. Bubsy herself is down on her luck but is getting by. Bubsy/Bubster is another alternate take on the character from another Tumblr, and who is actually the son of “our” Bubsy. Oblivia is a character created for the animated series pilot, loosely based on the plot of the second game.

Bad Guys: Old School T represents Retroism/Tommo, the company that currently owns the Bubsy IP and who recently half-arsedly released the first two games on Steam. Sanic is a nightmarish version of Sonic from Space Funeral 4 based on Bubsy’s recollections of him tormenting her? I think? The Woolies are the alien antagonists of the first game and Bubsy 3D, who SqrlyJack also redesigned for SF4. Dr. Virgil Reality is the dweeb who invented the MacGuffin in Bubsy II/the animated pilot, and is now a rich Steve Jobs ripoff. Grubsy is Bubsy’s nasty brother, based on the P2 colouration in the first game; he is accompanied by the spirits of his dead children, Terri and Terry.

June 30, 2015

Conker’s Bad Fur Day, low-detail pixel style!

When I start drawing non-humanoid characters it gets harder. Well, not that Franky is so hard… Conker’s Bad Fur Day is probably the best N64 game. Funny, subversive, constantly surprising, great multiplayer, and surprisingly emotional. Here’s my two-part series on its heroes and villains. Not that it’s so simple; there’s a lot of shady ambiguity. But there’s the major friendly-ish characters, and the primary antagonists.

Conker the Squirrel, Berri, Birdy, Franky, Gregg the Grim Reaper, Rodent

Professor von Kriplespac, The Panther King, Don Weazo

June 21, 2015
[DNF] Conker’s Big Reunion: Episode 1 (Windows)

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I did not finish Project Spark: Conker’s Big Reunion: Episode 1, because I was let down by my hardware. I played it on the only platform available to me: a small, underpowered Windows 8 tablet. Now according to Microsoft’s new vision, any computer or device that runs Windows has the same experience. Unfortunately, they can’t guarantee that all their apps will work properly on different hardware.

Having a new Conker game is very exciting, since Bad Fur Day is near the top of my all-time faves list. Having genuine fans making a new official instalment, and with Chris Seavor—@conkerhimself—returning for voices, it was promising. The game looks fine too, although from what I played there was a concerning lack of polish (word bubbles not matching what was spoken, for example), along with the general slapped-together feel that comes with games made in dedicated game-creation software like this; Little Big Planet had the same feel at times.

I didn’t get to any actual gameplay apart from the learn-to-jump bit, but one of the big draws of Conker is the script anyway. Having the familiar voices (more or less) did wonders and it was humorous enough to soothe my doubts. It feels like a Conker game.

Of course, I was only able to play for, say five minutes or so, because of the incredibly frequent crashes that occurred as the little tablet struggled so, on top of very poor performance in-game. Simply getting into the episode was an ordeal in itself; would the menu crash this time before I could get to the store to purchase it (it was a free weekend, or I wouldn’t have persisted so much)? No, have to wait a few minutes while it launches again.

Compounding this problem, the game locks everything out—including the options to reduce graphics settings to try and make it run more reliably!—until you complete the super-tedious tutorial for both playing and creating games, as well as downloading user creations. Luckily for me, starting a tutorial then crashing the game convinced Spark that I had finished said tutorial, so it ended up being something of a boon.

I really thought it would hold out once I finally launched the episode, but after several minutes of play it finally crapped out on me again. The unreliable performance made a glaring design flaw apparent: this episode, at least, has no support for saving your progress. It apparently takes an hour to complete but with the way the tablet was handling the game, there was no way I was ever going to finish, let alone come back if and when the next episode is released. But in this day and age, we have Youtube and for that I am grateful. So thank you Dakota for reviving Conker, but I have nobody to blame but myself for trying to play on a woefully inadequate machine.

Oh, did I mention the controls? Ugh. Virtual buttons and joystick are never great, and even after attaching a bluetooth keyboard the inputs were never made clear and were in strange locations. I also didn’t have a mouse, nor should I need one eh Microsoft? But for this game apparently I did. The whole operation was a big interface mess, symptomatic of Windows 8 in general I think (downloading and updating the game were also very awkward). And that was my experience with Conker in Project Spark (note: less than 5% of my time spent with this program actually involved playing as Conker).

February 14, 2014
Review: Conker’s Pocket Tales (GB/GBC)

This is a very interesting game, for several reasons. One, the cartridge contains two distinct versions of the game, depending on what system you’re playing on, the monochrome version and the full-color version, but the differences go deeper than simply the presence of colour. The minigames are different, level layouts and environment sprites also differ, item locations and progression is changed. However, contrary to expectations, the GBC version is not strictly better: certain aspects, such as animations, are better in the monochrome version. I also preferred the always-on UI, but it lacks 8-directional slingshot aiming.

I should explain. This is a kind of isometric platformer adventure, with Conker roaming Willow Woods and its surrounds, fighting various creatures and pushing boxes around in puzzles, finding his way through large mazelike environments in search of the birthday presents from his party, which was ruined by an evil member of the anthropomorphic acorn race that populates his home countryside. Got it? Good.

This is the other interesting aspect: this game is a time capsule, representing the original plans for the Conker franchise before it got darker and edgier in Bad Fur Day. As I’ve explained before, the N64 iteration was in development to properly introduce the squirrel from Diddy Kong Racing, but had many ideas pilfered by the Dream/Banjo team, at which point Chris Seavor reworked the game majorly to distinguish it. Pocket Tales was meant to be a handheld accompaniment to the console Twelve Tales, as was done with many franchises and still is. However, in this case the main event that PT was supporting didn’t eventuate. A very curious circumstance.

Beta footage and screenshots of Twelve Tales/Conker’s Quest/whatever show that it was to be very similar: acorn people, the shorter chipmunk version of Berri (who was a playable character), persistent slingshot. These elements now live on solely in this watered-down version of the Thing That Didn’t Happen. (Did it happen though? Are unreleased games canon? Sure, why not, except where they disagree with actual canon).

As it is, and I played through both versions simultaneously, we have a slightly clunky action adventure game. Progression is a bit confusing: you can always ask the Forest Guardian where to go but I often couldn’t find him because I got lost. And in the hub too! I was using Nintendo Power’s maps to help me out, though. You find presents for doing the odd task or just exploring. The environments are a little samey but memorising the layouts is essential to getting them all. Enemies are annoying, it’s often hard to defeat them. Some of them respawn but health pickups don’t, so unusually health management is a prospect that extends over the entire game in long form. In a way every single health acorn is like a Heart Container or somesuch. There’s no upgrades really except items for helping you reach new areas.

So combat was not the best, but I liked breaking the game up with little block-pushing puzzles. The minigames were also not great, although one mimics Rare’s earlier game Cobra Triangle, which is also replicated in DKC3 GBA, an interesting tidbit from their history. Bosses were pretty good, and Evil Acorn (yes that’s his name) was always stringing you on with taunts. There’s also the mysterious Honker the skunk, Conker’s nasty rival to contend with you at various points (mostly minigame-based).

Unfortunately there’s not a lot to distinguish this game, but it’s a bit memetic on DKVine because it’s so obscure. It’s pretty much irrelevant to Conker’s Bad Fur Day but interesting to compare with what could have been, and going from this to BFD all the more underscores its subversive tone. It is a bit of a pain to play though honestly, and just generally clunky and vague. The characters who distinguish themselves are cool but mostly they’re just acorns with not much going on. The level concepts are cool though, from a tropical island chain to a medieval castle.

The Game Boy format doesn’t really do the game justice, as a result of Rare’s typical tendency to try to outdo the limitations of the platform. Sometimes this results in fantastic games, while this one is let down by those limitations. Still, a Rare fan should at least give this a try, and heck I’ll say it, you have no right to fully enjoy Bad Fur Day if you haven’t experienced Conker’s humble origins. I can’t really point out one version as better than the other, so play around with both and pick your favourite (although I had a heck of a time emulating both separately… oops, I gave it away didn’t I?). Oh and there’s a character called the Forest Wong. How can you go wrong with the Wong?

October 29, 2013
Conker’s Bad Fur Day (N64)

Well, so much for me writing more often. Well if you read this at all, you’d be used to irregular updates. So here’s the last game I played before packing away my N64 again. Fitting, as it was released so late and seems a culmination/subversion of a prevailing genre at the time, the 3D platformer.

Bad Fur Day is often lumped in with the other Rare collectathons, but that’s an unfair association. It lampoons them, yes, but many other genres as well. Its rewards are the humorous excuse collectible of cash and more importantly simply getting to the next cutscene, seeing what happens next, the next joke or the next setpiece, is the reward for progress.

Importantly, the humour is very central to the game, being a driving force, rather than a sweet secondary focus as it is in Banjo. You just don’t get that many humour games or comedy games, especially not ones that actually have good gameplay too. The gameplay here is classic 3D platformer stuff, but with a heavier emphasis than normal on changing it up. We get thrid-person shooter segments (war-themed and horror-themed), flying, pitchfork-riding, first-person turret sections, races, arena combat, and quicktime events among others, in addition to the standard jumping-climbing-swimming challenges. Some of these can get quite frustrating but it’s all worth it to “get to the next bit”.

About the humour though, it’s a little dated. A good example of late 90’s “mature” immature humour, like early South Park. Swearing and poop are funny. Of course, at the time and at the ages we were, they really were very funny. There’s quite a few pop culture/movie reference jokes too, which tend to date. I think there’s a lot there that holds up though, and has value, even if it’s simply as a historical item. The main point underscoring it all though is that the world is initially so cutesy and the characters being talking animals and objects, which is constantly subverted.

In a lot of ways, it’s rooted in its time. You have to understand something of its development environment to truly understand it. Rare’s development teams were separated into barns to foster a competitive atmosphere. Chris Seavor’s barn was working on Twelve Tails: Conker 64, Rare’s first(!) 3D platformer. Another team was working on Project Dream. When they saw Conker, they reworked their game, taking cues from Seavor’s project. Meanwhile Conker suffered several delays while Banjo, then its sister project DK64, and finally Banjo Tooie, were released. Seavor saw that they would have to do something drastic to differentiate their project from those that beat it to the punch. Their answer was to subvert that style, subvert Nintendo’s kid-friendly image, subvert even the game itself in its past stages.

For some of us gamers growing up, we are now finding interest in looking back behind the scenes of games we loved. Apparently the developers of those games are doing so too, reflecting on their careers. Chris Seavor’s development commentaries (http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbRUl7dkRVPKlYiUq4TmEaQ) with some others of his team are an invaluable look behind the curtain, as well as being very entertaining (they’re so bad at their own game!). You also get them on Twitter sometimes, or in interviews. Conker’s story has many twists and turns, and that’s before you even get into Microsoft…

So given that it’s so unique, I’m pretty comfortable giving Bad Fur Day my “Favourite N64 Game” award. I just loved having a game that engaged me on the game level, but also made me laugh, that ended up being very emotional. On completing my recent playthrough, I admitted on Twitter that I shed a tear at the ending. There’s an abrupt and very hard-hitting turn that in itself is another subversion of what came before in the game itself, while also being a moral that Conker was leading up to in some ways. As I said before, this dual identity of the game itself is reflected somewhat in its ending, if only in a tonal sense.

Also it had a bunch of kickass multiplayer modes that occupied us for many a Saturday morning. While the campaign is the main focus, as was the case for many games the tacked-on multiplayer greatly extended the longevity and made it not only suitable for party occasions, but a must-have. There’s a lot of variety but inevitably Beach and War are the most frequently played.

Ah. It was really good, despite all its flaws. I’m also playing Conker’s Pocket Tales (slowly)… they’re really nothing alike. But that’s all for now. Oh, did I mention the memorable characters? The paint pot, Chucky Poo, Professor von Kripplespac, Conker himself, Gregg the Grim Reaper, the army sergeant. Classics all, and every minor character also has something to make you laugh. Oh… now I’m thinking about the ending again and feeling all sad and bleak. See, this is what the game does to you. But then you remember the scouser dung beetles and smile. Mm. Marvellous. ting

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